“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” Paul Coelho - The Alchemist I am grateful, I mean it. I have people in my life that I don’t know what I would do without. I have recently parted company with a few people who I have known and classed as best friends and extended family. I have come to realise that they were emotionally draining. To coin a phrase from another friend ‘Energy-sucking vampires’. I had no choice but to cut them loose. It wasn’t as cold as going through Facebook and having a cull of my list. It had taken me a long time to come to the decision. If there had been any other choice, I would have taken it. Other friends who know what I have been through with these individuals have said “I don’t know why you didn’t do it before!”. So for the people I do have, the people I love….for having them in my life, I am really grateful.
I saw this couple hugging in the street. Rather than feel sick at the very public display of affection, I longed for a time when I will get to hug the one I love. I can go weeks, sometimes months without any physical human contact. I only realise when I see moments like this that London can be a big, lonely place full of lonely people. It has been 82 days since I hugged the one I love. N ❤💋
Last week has to have been the most ‘up and down’ week I have had in ages emotionally. It started with my beloved setting off on his move to Africa and my UN Volunteer project getting under way and ended with me not having any contact for a few days and slowly starting to freak out because I wasn’t sure exactly where he was.
In between, I managed to take my mind off things by going to Sundance London Film Festival (and my regular cinema).
I saw 12 movies in total this week. That is a record, I think, even for me. It also tells me about my stress/anxiety levels. Going to the cinema is like meditation for me.
At Sundance, the movies I enjoyed most were:
Muscle Shoals – Directed by Greg ‘Freddy’ Camelier
‘Muscle Shoals‘ mixes the stories of some of the biggest recording artists of all time with the history of Fame Records run by Rick Hill.
The documentary features artists from Wilson Pickett, ‘Queen of Soul’ Aretha Franklin and The Rolling Stones to Alicia Keys.
I have tried to find a complete track list for this movie, but I can’t. What I will do is put together a YouTube and Spotify playlist for as many of the songs featured as I can.
This documentary was nothing short of genius and I look forward to watching it again when it is released in UK cinemas in the autumn.
I also watched several short films including
‘Whiplash’ by Damien Chazelle
The Apocalypse – Written and directed by Andrew Zuchero
Flying Lotus: Until The Quiet Comes – Directed by Kahlil Joseph
The most powerful and impactful film I saw was God Loves Uganda which was written and directed by Roger Ross Williams. (I was actually lucky enough to meet and speak to him for a minute after the film ended).
It highlights the American Christian Right’s evangelical campaign to change African culture with it’s own values.
The feature-length documentary follows American and Ugandan religious leaders fighting “sexual immorality” with their attempts to make homosexuality illegal and missionaries trying to convince Ugandans to follow Biblical law.
If you get to watch this, it will stay with you for a long time.
This week will be a strange one. My best friend (and love of my life) leaves for a whole new life.
I don’t know how much contact we will have or even how often he will be able to get in touch. We are going from contact several times each day to ‘radio silence’ at least for the foreseeable. He will be gone for 2.5 years.
I don’t want him to go, but I do want him to travel and experience the world as I have. I love him, but I can’t limit him. It just feels like there will be a gap in my days that nobody else can fill. I am not even sure when we will be able to visit each other or what he will be like when we do see each other again.
I keep thinking of what Red says about Andy in Shawshank Redemption
“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”