“So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” Paul Coelho - The Alchemist I am grateful, I mean it. I have people in my life that I don’t know what I would do without. I have recently parted company with a few people who I have known and classed as best friends and extended family. I have come to realise that they were emotionally draining. To coin a phrase from another friend ‘Energy-sucking vampires’. I had no choice but to cut them loose. It wasn’t as cold as going through Facebook and having a cull of my list. It had taken me a long time to come to the decision. If there had been any other choice, I would have taken it. Other friends who know what I have been through with these individuals have said “I don’t know why you didn’t do it before!”. So for the people I do have, the people I love….for having them in my life, I am really grateful.
I saw this list online and it made me laugh that Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr were mentioned. I wonder if people go to marriage counselling and talk about these things as affecting their relationship?
I have trust issues. I am a person who will extend some trust but if you break it, it will take a long time to get back. You have to prove your worth.
Someone who once not just broke but smashed and burned any faith I had is now expecting me to extend trust to them as if I can just say the words and everything will be okay.
Whatever meds he is on, he needs to get that prescription changed...
Someone assumed today that my life is less complicated now that I am not married.
Marriage wasn’t complicated. It was really easy, I could see my friends, play the little wife, have someone to go on hols with. It was nice.
There were cracks under the surface however. it didn’t take much to expose them. It just had to end because he turned out not to be a very honest person. We both had our faults and we both made the situation complicated.
Anyway, everything costs more because I am classed as single. You pay supplements for holidays (so you don’t want to go away as much).
As I am older, my few girlfriends are getting paired up and it is getting harder to find play pals. Everything takes planning. Luckily I don’t mind doing stuff alone. I am a loner at heart!
If I ended up an old maid I would still have had a good life and enjoyed it for the most part. Even the depressive times have been interesting as I discovered a creative side I never even knew I had. I write a lot, make things, bake…it is a strange but interesting time.
But back to the subject of marriage… No, it wasn’t complicated. I liked it and I wouldn’t rule it out again with a certain somebody
People make me nervous. I never used to have fear of anything or anyone. I oozed confidence and it showed. Now since 'The Great Depression' (how I refer to my personal 'black dog' adventures), I find I would rather just sink into the background in a crowd. That's not to say I won't make an effort. I am a nice person (I think) and I like all kinds of human beings. As difficult as I find it, I will be social if I have to be and you would never know I struggle with it. For the most part I really like people. Today I visited 'School of Life' in London. I had been looking forward to this class for over a month. I went straight from the office so I wouldn't be late. I arrived in a sensible skirt and blouse, heels and I walked into a group where everyone was dressed down (so immediately felt weird). I overheard different conversations, but it turned out most people knew each other. They had been on other courses together, met on courses or had come with friends. Their circles were just closing in as the relief hit them. They had found their little groups for the night. Left to stand and make conversation for almost 40 minutes with people looking at me like I just dropped out of the sky was really hard even with my super stress-cloaking abilities. I just wonder why some people are so cliquey and unfriendly :/