
I am 36. I never imagined that I would be contemplating giving up everything I have to go away and start somewhere completely new. It is the thought that is keeping me up at night and occupying most of my day.
I could compromise and just travel for a while but that isn’t what I want to do. If that was what I had wanted I think I would have done it ages ago and not left it until now.
I have worked since I was 18. I didn’t come from a background that encouraged going off for a ‘gap year’. I watched my mum raise three kids and sometimes work three jobs to make sure we had food on the table and clothes on our back. Hard work was something we saw all around us. I never even considered taking time out after school to see the world or decide what I wanted to do next. Education was always another reason I never went off to work abroad. For the job I do, a degree is pretty much standard. I have worked hard to get to where I am with no degree behind me, just a lot of experience.
I went to college for six months after finishing school. I enjoyed studying so much and made new friends easily. Then I had to leave. I was studying far from home and my mother had to give up work to take care of my sickly younger brother. I made the decision to go to work and bring some money in. Once I got into the cycle of work and paying rent, I couldn’t stop. I needed to help my family. The irony is I watched both my mother and brother go to university and still I helped them even after I moved out.
I met my husband-to-be at 23 and we stayed together for 9 years. In that time I tried to study, but my job took up so much of my time I hardly had any time for home life.
I have been in a place where I never thought I would be; 36 and unsure what to do next. All I know is that I have this overwhelming urge to travel and maybe not come back. I realise that running away doesn’t solve anything, but I don’t see it as running away. I see it as starting anew. I just have to figure out where I want to go.
Is it too late?
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