Am I making the lives of people who love me extremely difficult because I won’t take anything?

Am I going to irreparably damage relationships because I insist on working my way through ‘down phases’ regardless of the carnage it leaves in its wake?

When I am no longer in that state I think back to things I have done and said. I am often left thinking ‘What the hell have you done?’.

My decisions even small ones tend to be made without thought or care for what the consequences might be. I am then left to try and pick up the pieces.

I have tracked this last bout and it seems that for at least the last four weeks I have been unable to make serious decisions without it making me so distressed I have just wanted to climb into a hole and disappear.

The sale on my house completes very soon and instead of being happy, I feel like I am losing my grip on the only security I had.

My work is suffering, and I did something crazy at the weekend because I got so stressed. I shaved my head. I mean ‘Amber Rose’ short. Oh and I did dye it blonde as well – so now I am covering it up at work.

My friends and family love it, but they don’t realise what I was thinking when I did it. I won’t do anything more serious (thank goodness) but I did it and I felt relief.

I am sitting at my desk right now and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel guilty because there are so many other things happening and so many other people dealing with much more than I have to deal with.

An anxiety attack is imminent, I can feel it and I can’t stop it. These are happening on a daily basis right now because I have so much to deal with.

I hope this passes and I feel better soon.

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Reblogged from I'm Not Lost, Just Weird:

This may come as quite a stunner to you, so please have a seat or hang on to something, I am an Introvert.  Let that sink in for a moment, as your heart rate and breathing recover from that shocking revelation.  A sip of coffee or tea would be acceptable about now.

 Most of my life, I have been aware of this fact, but wasn’t really able to understand what it meant. 

Read more… 976 more words

I’m unsure if I like myself very much recently. I am just not being very nice to people and it is showing big time.

Maybe I need a holiday.

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Bright orange nails for the office tomorrow. This is new Nars ‘Madness’ nail polish ❤💋

Alive After

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?

What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?

A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’

Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.

At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me,

Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.

It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.

There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.

And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM!
The best and most beautiful things of this world can’t be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart!

Alive After
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